When it comes down to it do
You swim or sink?
Give it a good try before
Giving up.
Throw in the towel as you
Throw up your words
As defense
Or a delayed
Poem
Of broken down
Curse words.
You learn to edit and
Mold these
Words
With a fancy education
Or a thesaurus.
Turn your pain into
Roaming melodies of sound
When you shiver
You realize it has
Nothing
To do with the cold
And everything
To do with the smooth lines
Running through your
Overheated mind
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Smoking Gun
Smoking Gun
Here I am
Back where I started.
This starting block is worn
And the starting gun misfires
Quarter life crisis
Nicely sums up
Nothing
Of what my life has become
Or where
It is going.
I’ve slipped off the worn
Starting block
And I am swimming
Naked through
This blue pool of life.
I left my clothes draped
Over
The smoking gun
And swimming soundly
Naked as when I
Was born.
Here I am
Back where I started.
This starting block is worn
And the starting gun misfires
Quarter life crisis
Nicely sums up
Nothing
Of what my life has become
Or where
It is going.
I’ve slipped off the worn
Starting block
And I am swimming
Naked through
This blue pool of life.
I left my clothes draped
Over
The smoking gun
And swimming soundly
Naked as when I
Was born.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Fall
The cool breeze runs its long fingers through the branches. The tree dances back and forth and scatters brightly colored leaves to the already dense pile beneath it. The wind holds moisture- a promise of rain in the near future. The sun light glints off the dry leaves and nearby wood smoke floats upward and disappears into the darkening clouds. Children laugh nearby and the sound drifts along lazily. The brilliant yellows and burgundies of the sunset are reflected in the color of the fallen leaves. They crunch and whisper as an old man walks his dog along the path. He makes his way slowly--his dog’s tail swishes against his pant leg in a steady pattern. He and his dog disappear over the hill. The sun is almost gone now - the clouds coveting the last rays. A young couple walks just as slowly as the old man, but they are savoring the walk. He has his arm around her waist; her head is on his shoulder. He whispers softly in her ear as they pass under the tree. Startled- a gray bird takes flight; they look up and smile as it fly away.
Monday
The traffic whirls by as I slowly awaken to the noises of suburbia. I flex one foot at a time and slide the blankets away from my body. As I stretch I think about all the chores I will have to do today and how I want to get away from suburbia. Life whisks by so fast that you only get a subtle hint of nostalgia a taste of what has past. My tongue is sweet and bitter all at once as memories fall away. This morning I hear only what I want to hear—the alarms been ringing for hours. I’m sure my roommate has been up since it first went off. This is the day I leave it all; this is the day my memories here end.
Laura
Laura
I went to visit your mother the other day but you
Weren’t there.
I had a glass of wine, we talked
About a new addition to the end
Of your house.
You
Were on our minds
But
We didn’t speak of you.
Your mother sent me to look at the floral arrangement
Now withered & dried that your friends sent
From France.
They miss you.
Your old dresses from when you were
2 or 3
are hung up around the room along with
hand-worn pictures.
I imagine that the creases and creavises
The smears along the edges are from
Love and tears
Mingled together.
You were absent from the dominant conversation
But we all spoke of you inbetweenbreathes
And you were present in
Gaps
in conversation.
Our words and prayers mixing into something
Shiny and bright floating up to you.
I went to visit your mother the other day but you
Weren’t there.
I had a glass of wine, we talked
About a new addition to the end
Of your house.
You
Were on our minds
But
We didn’t speak of you.
Your mother sent me to look at the floral arrangement
Now withered & dried that your friends sent
From France.
They miss you.
Your old dresses from when you were
2 or 3
are hung up around the room along with
hand-worn pictures.
I imagine that the creases and creavises
The smears along the edges are from
Love and tears
Mingled together.
You were absent from the dominant conversation
But we all spoke of you inbetweenbreathes
And you were present in
Gaps
in conversation.
Our words and prayers mixing into something
Shiny and bright floating up to you.
London Fog
London Fog
I’ll walk the streets of London
In a down-pour fog
Calling up the spirit of
Mr. Dickens
While hailing a cab
My mind will go
Whither and
My body will
Go thither, in a
London fog.
I’ll sip absinthe
In gay paris and bar-
Hop with mr. Hemingway
I’ll find everything wrong
That can be found at lunch
With Ms. Stein while she
Winks suggestively at me and back
In London all of my imagination comes
To life in this
London fog.
I’ll walk the streets of London
In a down-pour fog
Calling up the spirit of
Mr. Dickens
While hailing a cab
My mind will go
Whither and
My body will
Go thither, in a
London fog.
I’ll sip absinthe
In gay paris and bar-
Hop with mr. Hemingway
I’ll find everything wrong
That can be found at lunch
With Ms. Stein while she
Winks suggestively at me and back
In London all of my imagination comes
To life in this
London fog.
Death, burial of sorts
Death, burial of sorts
It seems so romantic to scatter the ashes of loved ones in the breeze. Knowing my funeral, the winds would make a sudden switch and the ashes would be blown, un-romantically, in your face.
It seems so romantic to scatter the ashes of loved ones in the breeze. Knowing my funeral, the winds would make a sudden switch and the ashes would be blown, un-romantically, in your face.
Bed
Bed
Smooth lines flowing antique & asymmetrical. The light every morning hits my face in the same way, waking. But I always turn over—unwilling to get up. The softness of the sheets is inviting after a long monotonous day. My little sister wants to be pulled up, she cannot reach the top of the mattress. The dog does not attempt the jump; she stares with her old arthritic hips sitting sideways on the cold, wooden floor. I smile at her, she realizes my smile is promise of vanilla ice cream later. I lie with my head at the head-board looking up I smell rich mahogany. The wood smells like home and the mattress betrays the position in which I sleep the most. The dog sits whining at the foot of the bed desperately wanting up. My sister and I curl up sinking the frame to one side, creaking. I encircle her with one arm, the other slides off the bed softly nuzzled by a now content dog.
Smooth lines flowing antique & asymmetrical. The light every morning hits my face in the same way, waking. But I always turn over—unwilling to get up. The softness of the sheets is inviting after a long monotonous day. My little sister wants to be pulled up, she cannot reach the top of the mattress. The dog does not attempt the jump; she stares with her old arthritic hips sitting sideways on the cold, wooden floor. I smile at her, she realizes my smile is promise of vanilla ice cream later. I lie with my head at the head-board looking up I smell rich mahogany. The wood smells like home and the mattress betrays the position in which I sleep the most. The dog sits whining at the foot of the bed desperately wanting up. My sister and I curl up sinking the frame to one side, creaking. I encircle her with one arm, the other slides off the bed softly nuzzled by a now content dog.
All To Zero
All To Zero
All
By myself on this
Clear winter night, I’m
Drowsy, the steam is putting me to sleep
Endless swirls of
Foam whirl around in the hot tub
Gently I lower my feet into the scalding
Hot water.
I sink my body in deeper and deeper, only
Just slowly getting used to the temperature, I
Keep my head
Low under water and stare up at the
Moist ceiling, dripping with condensation
Now my body’s temperature is too high, I get
Out of the water
Pulling a warm towel around my waist
Quite
Relaxed, I lay down on a lounge chair and
Sleep, but
This only lasts
Until three screaming little
Villains
Woke me from my fully
X-pected nap, I
Yawn, but I am content. Time wasted-
Zero.
All
By myself on this
Clear winter night, I’m
Drowsy, the steam is putting me to sleep
Endless swirls of
Foam whirl around in the hot tub
Gently I lower my feet into the scalding
Hot water.
I sink my body in deeper and deeper, only
Just slowly getting used to the temperature, I
Keep my head
Low under water and stare up at the
Moist ceiling, dripping with condensation
Now my body’s temperature is too high, I get
Out of the water
Pulling a warm towel around my waist
Quite
Relaxed, I lay down on a lounge chair and
Sleep, but
This only lasts
Until three screaming little
Villains
Woke me from my fully
X-pected nap, I
Yawn, but I am content. Time wasted-
Zero.
Friday, February 10, 2006
“A” for effort
“A” for effort
The smell of cigarettes sticks to my skin
Even after i leave, My hair now smells
Like ash-tray. You ask for my love instead
Of allowing me to love you freely. Then you
Ask me not to love you, you feel “unworthy”.
I PRAY for patience
You look like you need to be saved
But, I cannot save you. Sometimes we have to
Save ourselves. I feel I don’t have the strength
To help you. My shoulders are already heavy from
The weight of my own burdens. I hunch over a
Little more. I want to shake the doubt from you
But it lives, dirty, underneath your fingernails,
Behind your ears. Every place your mother told
You to wash growing up. I wish I could hand you
A wash cloth and have it cleanse your doubt but
I can’t fix you.
The smell of cigarettes sticks to my skin
Even after i leave, My hair now smells
Like ash-tray. You ask for my love instead
Of allowing me to love you freely. Then you
Ask me not to love you, you feel “unworthy”.
I PRAY for patience
You look like you need to be saved
But, I cannot save you. Sometimes we have to
Save ourselves. I feel I don’t have the strength
To help you. My shoulders are already heavy from
The weight of my own burdens. I hunch over a
Little more. I want to shake the doubt from you
But it lives, dirty, underneath your fingernails,
Behind your ears. Every place your mother told
You to wash growing up. I wish I could hand you
A wash cloth and have it cleanse your doubt but
I can’t fix you.
Nothing new
The numbers blur and then disappear on the clock; little by little time slows down and then vanishes. *Poof* I’m all alone with my thoughts and time is not a factor nor a distraction.
After 6 cups of coffee and idle conversation; I find myself alone with my thoughts racing.
After 6 cups of coffee and idle conversation; I find myself alone with my thoughts racing.
I woke in a cold sweat that had nothing to do with the icy fingers across my back. I had left the window open again. The tiny room was pitch black I knew it was early because my alarm had not gone off yet. Curious, I grabbed my inactive cell phone, which served as alarm clock/ watch. My phone flashed 6:45 at me and I threw my blankets off in a panic. I had not set my alarm the night before. I ran 3 floors up to Kat’s room and pounded on her door. Out of breath I exclaimed, “Kat, our boat leaves at 7:40!” She rubbed her eyes and mumbled “well, what time is it now?” I told her the time and that we had enough of it for 5 minute showers. She practically slammed the door in my face in a hurry to get ready and I rushed back to my room. We packed lightly and took some food to tide us over.
We hailed a taxi and were off in a race to the harbor. We informed the cabbie of the time we left Belfast and he laughed and told us we wouldn’t make it. Kat, in only a way she could, flipped her long red hair and said as she winked at him, “ Well, maybe you should drive a bit faster”. He grinned and stepped on the gas. Belfast is not a very big city but we were on the University side and the harbor where the Stena Line was on the exact opposite side. We spilled out of the taxi and booked it to the check in. We were the last people there save one other woman in front of us at check in. We must have been a sight running at her because she stopped short and waited for us. In out of breath barely understandable sentences we asked her if we could still board. She said ‘Technically, no but I’ll let you two ladies on.”
We boarded and were looking for somewhere to sleep. Both of us had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep the previous night and reeked of a combination of absinthe and Guinness. We finally found a place were they were showing “Inspector Gadget”, which for the 10 minutes I saw of it, one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Both Kat and I curled up in the tiny metal seats and slept until the boat arrived in Scotland. We both awoke and stared at each other. We had make-up running down the exact same side on both of our faces. “God, I can still taste the beer I had before bed” Kat laughed, “You mean beers plural, silly.” She winked at me and we lost it. We were laughing at absolutely nothing and everything at once. Everyone was staring and for good reason, no one was supposed to have that much fun that early in the morning but rules didn’t apply to Kat and I and that was the fun of it.
We arrived at the train station and we found that we were one of the only people on that huge boat that did not bring our cars. We found that we were quite alone and had no idea of where to go from where we presently were. So, we guessed at a direction and started walking. We found our destination, the train station, after a few minutes of walking and hopped on. We came to realize that even though everyone was speaking English, it was an English we had no understanding of. Imagine a terrible cold and a speech impediment along with being punched repeatedly in the face and that’s what the Scots sounded like to us. I told Kat there was no point in even asking for directions because we would just stare blankly at the person and come out of the “conversation” even more confused that when we entered it. We also realized that there were no attractive people in Scotland. “Not so much an attractive people, these Scots.” Kat said under her breath. That sent us into another round of hysterics. People sent us dirty looks and when we didn’t stop laughing they actually got up and moved. I suppose other people would have been more understanding of other’s feelings, “But we are Americans”. I said to Kat. “Yeah” she said, “The rest of the world expects us to be obnoxious, why ruin their expectations.” This comment lead to another round of hysterics until we both looked out the window and were stunned by the naked beauty of the country side. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life” Kat murmured, face pressed up against the window like a child in awe. But in awe we were. The countryside flew by. Pristine beaches with white rocky sands lead way to rivers and mountains. We were so incredibly tired but the passing countryside was too good to pass up. So, we stayed awake and watched in silence until the soft roll of the train lulled us both to sleep. Kat and I didn’t really have a plan of action we just decided to do whatever felt right at the moment and that worked out for the most part. We saw that Glasgow was coming up in a few stops and thought what better to do with our day than get off there and wander around?
Glasgow was dark and gloomy and had little cultural personality. We ducked into a little coffee shop and got some cheese and crackers and Kat made eyes at the attractive store employee called Marc. He came over and talked to us and gave us his phone number in case we wanted to hang out, but at this point we had decided to take the train to Edinburgh and spend the rest of the day there. We sat down for a bit and I noticed the man next to me was drinking green tea. I mentioned how we were studying for a semester in Northern Ireland and the utter absence of green tea. He chuckled and agreed with me. He and I entered into a conversation on the benefits of green tea while Kat sat next to me shaking her head. When the man got up for a re-fill Kat and I remarked on how he looked slightly familiar. I asked where he was from, since I could understand him, he told me Dublin. He told me his name was Adam and he was in a band. I thought to myself he was a little old to be in a band. I decided to flatter him and ask the name of his “little” band and he looked at ill ease for a moment and told us “U2”. In an instant it all made sense. He told us to have a wonderful vacation and wished me well on my green search. We said, “take care” and Kat swears, to this day, that he said “you too”, although I don’t remember that part.
We flitted around Glasgow for a bit before we left for Edinburgh looking for something interesting or culturally motivating for us to do. We ended up finding an art exhibit and seeing some interesting pieces from local artists. After that we hopped on the train in search of fun in Edinburgh, plus we had told our friends that we would meet up with them hours ago and we were quite late at this point. The first site off the train in Edinburgh was castles and complete pandemonium. We had arrived right at the beginning of the Edinburgh arts festival which they have every year in July. We made our way through the throngs of people to find our friends and eventually found them outside of a hostel. We were on a limited budget and eventually found a hostel within our means. We spent the rest of our cash and figured we would withdraw from our accounts in the morning.
Edinburgh was a cultural hot spot that night on our first night there we heard so many different languages and people we were just staring. It was a stark difference from the almost militant life style we were used to living in Belfast. Here we didn’t have to walk on eggshells and worry about saying the wrong thing to the locals, almost everyone was from out of town. We broke away from the group and wandered about town with no real destination. By now it was 2am and the city was in full swing having suspended almost all of the drinking laws everyone was out on the streets celebrating. We wound up climbing the steep stairs that took us to the top of the city right in front of Edinburgh Castle. We sat on the stairs for hours talking about our futures and what we wanted to do in life. We both decided looking at the Crags jutting out behind the castle, that we were going to climb them when we woke up the next day. Sure enough we woke up and headed in the general direction of the mountainous Crags and found a trail. On the way to the mountain we acquired two new friends at separate times and convinced them to go on the climb with us. The four of us reached the top four hours later and sat in wonder at the natural beauty of Scotland and wondered just how we were going to get down.
Later that evening Kat and I went to withdraw money from my account and found that there was none to be had. I emailed my parents who informed me they both put money in my checking account, which is the only account accessible overseas. They called my bank and my bank had put the money in my savings. They told me there was nothing they could do if I couldn’t access my account online. I had no money left, neither did Kat, and we had no place to stay and nothing to eat five hours and an ocean away from home in Belfast. So, we cried and we prayed. We hadn’t eaten all day and were out of luck for placed to stay. We were packing up to leave Edinburgh to attempt to get home when tears obscuring my vision, I blindly knocked into an older woman. She stopped me on the stairs and asked why I was crying and when the story finally tumbled out she told me to stay put and ran up to her room. Kat came down the stairs, saw me crying and immediate broke out into tears as well. Kat and I must have been a sad sight indeed because when the woman returned downstairs she took us both into her arms and told us everything would work out if we had faith. We thanked her and as we were leaving she palmed us 80 euro. Kat and I stared down at the money and my hand and I immediately gave is back to her stating we couldn’t take that much money from her. She told us to take it and to remember to the kindness when others were in need. She said we would be in her prayers and wished us well.
Kat and I were forced to leave the hostel and ultimately the city because all of the hostels were booked up. We bought train tickets and headed back towards the ferry. The train service stopped in Glasgow because there were no more ferries out for another two days. We were stuck in Glasgow. Our money held out for just one night after all of our traveling, food, and lodging expenses. Again, we were faced with no place to go. We walked around as long as possible and went to a club to pass the night instead of staying on the streets but we were both bone tired and I fell asleep on one of the couches and we were asked to leave, we had been awake for almost 22 hours. Still our spirits were high and we both regarded this as an adventure, a life lesson. We stopped at a hostel and asked if we could sleep on the couch in the foyer, they turned us away. It was now 3: 45 in the morning. We walked the entire city in hopes of a place they would take us in on charity, no one would. We ended up settling in the entranceway of a Louis Vuitton store. We remarked at the irony in our situation and decided on sleeping shifts. I let Kat sleep while I kept watch. She tried but was as ill at ease as I.
We stayed awake huddled together in the cold of the Scottish July night. Around 4:15 am the clubs were letting out in the rich shopping district in which we were sleeping and many partiers passed us without acknowledging our existence, we felt invisible and alone. One of the last straggling couples came down the main street and fell over drunk and laughing unaware that we were there. The young woman was trying the pry the young man up off the ground but he pulled her down and they fell in a hysterical laughing heap in front of Louis Vuitton. They both turned their heads at the same time and saw us sitting there, shivering. They came over and talked to us asking shy we would want to be sitting there at this time in the morning. We explained our situation and they insisted on having us stay with them. We happily followed them home where they gave up their bed for us, lent us clothes, shower and fed us. They drove us to the train station in the morning and gave us money for the train. We asked for none of this and started crying again. The woman told us at the hostel in Edinburgh to always keep an open heart because God was everywhere.
We made it back to the ferry right before it departed and started up a conversation with two backpackers from Finland. They were going to Belfast, and like us, had no plan and limited funds. Kat and I looked at each other and smiled, this was our chance to pass on God’s love and start the repayment. We knew we could never fully repay the debt that we owed but this was a start. We fed the girls gave them our beds and let them wash their clothes. When we saw the shining gratitude in their eyes we knew we were on the right path.
Kat and I live on separate coasts of the US and still keep in touch. We bonded because of our time and travels together. She will be at my graduation in May 2006 and I will be at her wedding. We experienced things that cannot be relayed in words and felt God’s presence when there was no other explanation. We came back from Belfast renewed and invigorated spiritually and have a friend for life.
We hailed a taxi and were off in a race to the harbor. We informed the cabbie of the time we left Belfast and he laughed and told us we wouldn’t make it. Kat, in only a way she could, flipped her long red hair and said as she winked at him, “ Well, maybe you should drive a bit faster”. He grinned and stepped on the gas. Belfast is not a very big city but we were on the University side and the harbor where the Stena Line was on the exact opposite side. We spilled out of the taxi and booked it to the check in. We were the last people there save one other woman in front of us at check in. We must have been a sight running at her because she stopped short and waited for us. In out of breath barely understandable sentences we asked her if we could still board. She said ‘Technically, no but I’ll let you two ladies on.”
We boarded and were looking for somewhere to sleep. Both of us had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep the previous night and reeked of a combination of absinthe and Guinness. We finally found a place were they were showing “Inspector Gadget”, which for the 10 minutes I saw of it, one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Both Kat and I curled up in the tiny metal seats and slept until the boat arrived in Scotland. We both awoke and stared at each other. We had make-up running down the exact same side on both of our faces. “God, I can still taste the beer I had before bed” Kat laughed, “You mean beers plural, silly.” She winked at me and we lost it. We were laughing at absolutely nothing and everything at once. Everyone was staring and for good reason, no one was supposed to have that much fun that early in the morning but rules didn’t apply to Kat and I and that was the fun of it.
We arrived at the train station and we found that we were one of the only people on that huge boat that did not bring our cars. We found that we were quite alone and had no idea of where to go from where we presently were. So, we guessed at a direction and started walking. We found our destination, the train station, after a few minutes of walking and hopped on. We came to realize that even though everyone was speaking English, it was an English we had no understanding of. Imagine a terrible cold and a speech impediment along with being punched repeatedly in the face and that’s what the Scots sounded like to us. I told Kat there was no point in even asking for directions because we would just stare blankly at the person and come out of the “conversation” even more confused that when we entered it. We also realized that there were no attractive people in Scotland. “Not so much an attractive people, these Scots.” Kat said under her breath. That sent us into another round of hysterics. People sent us dirty looks and when we didn’t stop laughing they actually got up and moved. I suppose other people would have been more understanding of other’s feelings, “But we are Americans”. I said to Kat. “Yeah” she said, “The rest of the world expects us to be obnoxious, why ruin their expectations.” This comment lead to another round of hysterics until we both looked out the window and were stunned by the naked beauty of the country side. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my life” Kat murmured, face pressed up against the window like a child in awe. But in awe we were. The countryside flew by. Pristine beaches with white rocky sands lead way to rivers and mountains. We were so incredibly tired but the passing countryside was too good to pass up. So, we stayed awake and watched in silence until the soft roll of the train lulled us both to sleep. Kat and I didn’t really have a plan of action we just decided to do whatever felt right at the moment and that worked out for the most part. We saw that Glasgow was coming up in a few stops and thought what better to do with our day than get off there and wander around?
Glasgow was dark and gloomy and had little cultural personality. We ducked into a little coffee shop and got some cheese and crackers and Kat made eyes at the attractive store employee called Marc. He came over and talked to us and gave us his phone number in case we wanted to hang out, but at this point we had decided to take the train to Edinburgh and spend the rest of the day there. We sat down for a bit and I noticed the man next to me was drinking green tea. I mentioned how we were studying for a semester in Northern Ireland and the utter absence of green tea. He chuckled and agreed with me. He and I entered into a conversation on the benefits of green tea while Kat sat next to me shaking her head. When the man got up for a re-fill Kat and I remarked on how he looked slightly familiar. I asked where he was from, since I could understand him, he told me Dublin. He told me his name was Adam and he was in a band. I thought to myself he was a little old to be in a band. I decided to flatter him and ask the name of his “little” band and he looked at ill ease for a moment and told us “U2”. In an instant it all made sense. He told us to have a wonderful vacation and wished me well on my green search. We said, “take care” and Kat swears, to this day, that he said “you too”, although I don’t remember that part.
We flitted around Glasgow for a bit before we left for Edinburgh looking for something interesting or culturally motivating for us to do. We ended up finding an art exhibit and seeing some interesting pieces from local artists. After that we hopped on the train in search of fun in Edinburgh, plus we had told our friends that we would meet up with them hours ago and we were quite late at this point. The first site off the train in Edinburgh was castles and complete pandemonium. We had arrived right at the beginning of the Edinburgh arts festival which they have every year in July. We made our way through the throngs of people to find our friends and eventually found them outside of a hostel. We were on a limited budget and eventually found a hostel within our means. We spent the rest of our cash and figured we would withdraw from our accounts in the morning.
Edinburgh was a cultural hot spot that night on our first night there we heard so many different languages and people we were just staring. It was a stark difference from the almost militant life style we were used to living in Belfast. Here we didn’t have to walk on eggshells and worry about saying the wrong thing to the locals, almost everyone was from out of town. We broke away from the group and wandered about town with no real destination. By now it was 2am and the city was in full swing having suspended almost all of the drinking laws everyone was out on the streets celebrating. We wound up climbing the steep stairs that took us to the top of the city right in front of Edinburgh Castle. We sat on the stairs for hours talking about our futures and what we wanted to do in life. We both decided looking at the Crags jutting out behind the castle, that we were going to climb them when we woke up the next day. Sure enough we woke up and headed in the general direction of the mountainous Crags and found a trail. On the way to the mountain we acquired two new friends at separate times and convinced them to go on the climb with us. The four of us reached the top four hours later and sat in wonder at the natural beauty of Scotland and wondered just how we were going to get down.
Later that evening Kat and I went to withdraw money from my account and found that there was none to be had. I emailed my parents who informed me they both put money in my checking account, which is the only account accessible overseas. They called my bank and my bank had put the money in my savings. They told me there was nothing they could do if I couldn’t access my account online. I had no money left, neither did Kat, and we had no place to stay and nothing to eat five hours and an ocean away from home in Belfast. So, we cried and we prayed. We hadn’t eaten all day and were out of luck for placed to stay. We were packing up to leave Edinburgh to attempt to get home when tears obscuring my vision, I blindly knocked into an older woman. She stopped me on the stairs and asked why I was crying and when the story finally tumbled out she told me to stay put and ran up to her room. Kat came down the stairs, saw me crying and immediate broke out into tears as well. Kat and I must have been a sad sight indeed because when the woman returned downstairs she took us both into her arms and told us everything would work out if we had faith. We thanked her and as we were leaving she palmed us 80 euro. Kat and I stared down at the money and my hand and I immediately gave is back to her stating we couldn’t take that much money from her. She told us to take it and to remember to the kindness when others were in need. She said we would be in her prayers and wished us well.
Kat and I were forced to leave the hostel and ultimately the city because all of the hostels were booked up. We bought train tickets and headed back towards the ferry. The train service stopped in Glasgow because there were no more ferries out for another two days. We were stuck in Glasgow. Our money held out for just one night after all of our traveling, food, and lodging expenses. Again, we were faced with no place to go. We walked around as long as possible and went to a club to pass the night instead of staying on the streets but we were both bone tired and I fell asleep on one of the couches and we were asked to leave, we had been awake for almost 22 hours. Still our spirits were high and we both regarded this as an adventure, a life lesson. We stopped at a hostel and asked if we could sleep on the couch in the foyer, they turned us away. It was now 3: 45 in the morning. We walked the entire city in hopes of a place they would take us in on charity, no one would. We ended up settling in the entranceway of a Louis Vuitton store. We remarked at the irony in our situation and decided on sleeping shifts. I let Kat sleep while I kept watch. She tried but was as ill at ease as I.
We stayed awake huddled together in the cold of the Scottish July night. Around 4:15 am the clubs were letting out in the rich shopping district in which we were sleeping and many partiers passed us without acknowledging our existence, we felt invisible and alone. One of the last straggling couples came down the main street and fell over drunk and laughing unaware that we were there. The young woman was trying the pry the young man up off the ground but he pulled her down and they fell in a hysterical laughing heap in front of Louis Vuitton. They both turned their heads at the same time and saw us sitting there, shivering. They came over and talked to us asking shy we would want to be sitting there at this time in the morning. We explained our situation and they insisted on having us stay with them. We happily followed them home where they gave up their bed for us, lent us clothes, shower and fed us. They drove us to the train station in the morning and gave us money for the train. We asked for none of this and started crying again. The woman told us at the hostel in Edinburgh to always keep an open heart because God was everywhere.
We made it back to the ferry right before it departed and started up a conversation with two backpackers from Finland. They were going to Belfast, and like us, had no plan and limited funds. Kat and I looked at each other and smiled, this was our chance to pass on God’s love and start the repayment. We knew we could never fully repay the debt that we owed but this was a start. We fed the girls gave them our beds and let them wash their clothes. When we saw the shining gratitude in their eyes we knew we were on the right path.
Kat and I live on separate coasts of the US and still keep in touch. We bonded because of our time and travels together. She will be at my graduation in May 2006 and I will be at her wedding. We experienced things that cannot be relayed in words and felt God’s presence when there was no other explanation. We came back from Belfast renewed and invigorated spiritually and have a friend for life.
Short story
He slammed his rusted car door shut, the hinges shrieked in protest. He did not bother to lock the car; he’d be lucky if anyone attempted to steal it. He had wanted coffee all day but he usually did not come to this particular shop because it brought back memories, sometimes bittersweet. He figured he would not run into her at this time of day. He was still mulling over that thought as he walked into the shop and saw her sitting there. All the wind was knocked out of his lungs and it took all he could muster not to run the other way. Her unruly blonde hair had fallen over one eye in a way that used to annoy him. All he could think about now, however, was smoothing it back behind her ear. He didn’t mean to stare but he couldn’t help it. He had not seen her in 2 years since they had broken up. His pulse was racing and his hands were clammy against the silk lining in his pockets. He did not know quite where to position his hands that would seem the most natural. The people around him were giving him strange looks for staring at her so intensely. She must have felt the burning intensity of his stare. She looked up. Their eyes met and the room dropped away. All the sounds, smells, and people were gone. For that second they were the only two people in the room.
Her blue eyes grayed with a haunted look as she broke visual contact. He panicked and turned to get into line for his espresso. He got the same thing every time, without fail. When the barista asked what he was having today he could not remember. The girl gave him a funny look and asked him if he was feeling all right. She had a worried look on her face a she plopped down his espresso and told him it was on the house. He managed a smile for the barista and turned back towards the front of the store, towards her. She seemed like she was deeply engrossed in her book, but he knew better. He moved towards her slowly, self consciously aware of the swishing sound his faded corduroys made.
He tapped her uncertainly on her shoulder and she almost jumped in surprise. He could tell she had not expected him to approach her. He noticed that two years had changed her, she looked more mature and her eyes seemed more guarded and thoughtful. She was wearing the same perfume he had given her two Christmases ago. Her eyes traveled up his neck to the puka shell necklace she had given him the same year. He shuffled his feet uncertain of what to say and how to phrase it. He could tell she was nervous the way she twirled her hair
They both opened their mouths at the same time to speak then closed them, letting the other person go first. Silence ensued. She pushed her hair off her face and asked him to go first. They chatted idly for a few minutes about nondescript subjects. Finally she asked him if anything exciting had happened in his life since they had last talked. His stomach knotted up, he clenched his teeth and ground them back and forth in one fluid motion. He decided it was only fair to tell her, but he did not know how. He found the right words and told her about the girl who was his fiancée and that he had asked her to marry him only yesterday. She smiled brightly at him and told him how happy she was. He knew her words were empty.
They both stopped and looked around in hopes that they did not make this moment any more awkward than it had to be. Both their eyes were veiled and haunted by the memories shared between them. He took his cue by the uncomfortable silence mounting. He did not say goodbye but they both knew this was it. He walked away and as he left he turned, their eyes met and he took her in for what they both knew was the last time
Her blue eyes grayed with a haunted look as she broke visual contact. He panicked and turned to get into line for his espresso. He got the same thing every time, without fail. When the barista asked what he was having today he could not remember. The girl gave him a funny look and asked him if he was feeling all right. She had a worried look on her face a she plopped down his espresso and told him it was on the house. He managed a smile for the barista and turned back towards the front of the store, towards her. She seemed like she was deeply engrossed in her book, but he knew better. He moved towards her slowly, self consciously aware of the swishing sound his faded corduroys made.
He tapped her uncertainly on her shoulder and she almost jumped in surprise. He could tell she had not expected him to approach her. He noticed that two years had changed her, she looked more mature and her eyes seemed more guarded and thoughtful. She was wearing the same perfume he had given her two Christmases ago. Her eyes traveled up his neck to the puka shell necklace she had given him the same year. He shuffled his feet uncertain of what to say and how to phrase it. He could tell she was nervous the way she twirled her hair
They both opened their mouths at the same time to speak then closed them, letting the other person go first. Silence ensued. She pushed her hair off her face and asked him to go first. They chatted idly for a few minutes about nondescript subjects. Finally she asked him if anything exciting had happened in his life since they had last talked. His stomach knotted up, he clenched his teeth and ground them back and forth in one fluid motion. He decided it was only fair to tell her, but he did not know how. He found the right words and told her about the girl who was his fiancée and that he had asked her to marry him only yesterday. She smiled brightly at him and told him how happy she was. He knew her words were empty.
They both stopped and looked around in hopes that they did not make this moment any more awkward than it had to be. Both their eyes were veiled and haunted by the memories shared between them. He took his cue by the uncomfortable silence mounting. He did not say goodbye but they both knew this was it. He walked away and as he left he turned, their eyes met and he took her in for what they both knew was the last time
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